...if not just to bump that other journal off the main page.
I guess I could gush a little bit. I mean, I've been incredibly bad about staying in touch with the internet, and all the wonderful people that I have met through it.
The short story is that I've been unhappy for quite a long time. I'm trying desperately to change how I feel and re-learn what it was that motivated me to draw so much.
A large part of this was because of my living situation. Let's just say I've learned a lot about myself and a certain other person. I've finally moved into my own apartment, and since then the issue has been totally resolved, as far as I'm concerned. But the larger issue I confidently blame on moving to Ohio - I've never been good at making friends, something I very much proved to myself over the last 2 years. I don't know many people, but those I do know I consider to be very close to and admire quite a lot (Milo, Kim, Lora, Mike and the rest of you I see on a regular basis, I'm talking about you). As a result, I've been feeling kind of lonely and unmotivated to do things as of late. I'm struggling to finish One Question, Blank, and a variety of other projects, like learning to storyboard, but I'm terrified that the original drive to do all of these things is gone. I still have the ideas, but I never want to draw or write them down any more.
Like this week - I'm supposed to make 2 pages of One Question but I haven't even started on one because it's just such an exhausting idea.
However, I don't at all consider anything artistic dead and gone in my life. I just need to find a new motivation to do things again. I suppose the first was spurred mainly by boundless child-like energy that pretty much is exploding out of us from age 1 to age 20, but now I'm an adult with a lot more concerns, which quickly eats you up. (Geez, being an adult sucks.) I want those constant flashes of inspiration again. I want the itch to start and finish a picture, and the excitement to share it with you.
Part of me thinks that by going back through some older material and re-examining things I made in the throes of creativity will revive those drives, which is one main reason why I'm re-examining this Dragon Persona contest. I've started some preliminary work on the subject, and I'm starting to believe that one big problem I have is that I'm not used to asking for help and used to doing things by myself. Just the fact that I'm talking to ~Riverfox237
about potentially making this happen is really helping me along.
So maybe I just need to get more people involved in what I'm doing on a working level - which ties back nicely into the idea of just making more friends. Perhaps I've just felt lonely for way too long.
I can't publish this journal without saying that there were a lot of times in the past couple of years where
was the only bright spot in an otherwise depressing set of circumstances. There's a reason why I'm so desperately in love with you now as I was when we first started dating 2 years ago.
Here's the part where I open up the floor to you. Have any of you ever felt this way? Do you have any stories of your own, or anything you'd like to share with me that you wish you'd known?