Yes, yes I have. I've only recently--in the last month or less--gotten back my drive to be an artist and a deviant. The thing is is that I'm not exactly sure why. Part of it is having a very supportive boyfriend to back me up. The rest of it seems to be a pent-up breath I've let go over the holidays--the realization that I get way too stressed about things, and when I have the time I really should take it to do something artish. For a while doodling was the only art I managed, and I had stacks of projects to be done that I really couldn't stand to face. Once I started letting go a little, started getting have-to-dos in line and not letting them rule my life, I started to find that I could do this arting thing and not feel guilty. Also, reading a lot of comics helped, because when I start looking at that much impressive art I start to get the urge to draw.

I wish you luck in finding your muse again, and I hope I've helped in some way, even if it's just to let you know you aren't the only one.

I feel like I might understand what you're going through, at least partially. While I may have never had much of a problem making friends, I find a fault I have is difficulty maintaining friendships, especially with those I met online. It's easy enough when I see my roommates and boyfriend and local pals every day or every week, but I've felt distant from friends like you, Wazaga, and several others I met here and on Fur Affinity over my years in high school and college.

It hasn't helped that since graduation, I've kind of lost my drive for Japanese language. Something I adored and studied for so long, wanted to make my life out of, now I never touch my text books or notes. I don't practice or drill myself like I used to. I've all but forgotten most of my Chinese that I studied too, and I'm just not sure how to fix it. Between work and bills, I feel like studying is more work and I just don't have the energy to do it. I always end up just gaming or watching TV on my days off, or spending money on my boyfriend that I should probably be saving. I don't have an answer, but I'm always happy to talk to a friend, in need or no. If you don't still have my number, all you ever need to do is ask, or just note me here or email. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

I know we've never had the chance to hang out in person or really talk that much online, but I do consider you a good friend, Chee, and a role-model in many ways. You have such great artistic skill, and reading your work has always evoked emotions in me. I know sometimes the road gets bumpy, but there's fresh pavement just around the curve. We just have to remember to turn. :3 As I offered before, if I get a couple days off sometime, I'd love to hang out some time up in Ohio. It's not too far a drive and I'd love to see the city a bit more. Hopefully we can make that happen sometime. I know we're both busy, but at least it's a nice though.

Keep the faith, Chee. Just another bump in the road.
Raulin aka Jace aka Hero-of-Justice

Going back through older stuff is a good idea. Just don't get too wrapped up in it, because that can be a problem sometimes.

The best advice I have is to work through it. Do those pages even if they seem overwhelming. Work on the things that seem hard. Eventually the drive will kick in again and you'll find yourself enjoying it. I've been depressed and overwhelmed. The only thing I found that worked to get me out of it was to focus and work and pull myself out. Other people couldn't do it for me. Just talking didn't fix it. All the comfort and hugs and "it's okay to cry" and "You're depressed, it's okay"s only pulled me further down. I got to the point where nothing anyone said mattered. When it dawned on me I got upset with myself since I'd told myself I was never going to let myself get depressed again and here I was wallowing around in misery. I just slogged away and worked at it until I wasn't depressed anymore. I still struggle with it time-to-time, since I am a very friend-oriented person and I only have 4 people where I live now to hang out with. They are all very busy with school, work, and life. I get lonely a lot. It's hard to work when you're lonely.

That was a bit rambly. Anyway, I find it hard to work all the time, whether or not I'm depressed, but once I knuckle down and force myself to do it I find myself enjoying it. That's the best advice I can give. Sorry if it's not too helpful.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been unhappy. =/

I know what you mean by not being able to make friends easily. I'm not exactly the most friendly of people and tend to be rather cat-like in my reservation, but becoming an "adult" sort of exacerbated my natural tendencies. I try to be more social, but work and trying to work on my projects have made it hard for me to find time. I think volunteering each week helps me to get some social time outside of work when it can be hard to get together with my friends, who are also busy with their work. One of the things I do wish I had was an artist group to bounce off ideas and to help keep me from feeling like I'm completely isolated. That's something that was really illuminated for me this past year when I was working on my outline almost all of my free time. I really did feel rather closed in. Having my occasional chats with Slyeagle help a lot in that regard, though.

In addition, there's the whole being an "adult" thing is hard especially when you are working. It's a complaint that I've heard from friends, too, who are artists. I have to have a day job otherwise I will not be able to survive and it really eats out a lot of my time. But the bigger problem I've found is that I've had to find a way to balance my desire to do my projects and indulge in, well, unwinding from a day of working and driving in traffic all day. Over the year, I've found that I need to think about how I divide up my time. A lot of it is to become more disciplined about what I'm going to do. I can't be on the internet a lot, I need eight hours of sleep (one thing that I've found out all too well last year), and I need to figure out how to work in my projects and not trap myself in isolation of my projects. Also, sleep is important. I didn't realize how burned out I was by work and trying to do my projects until I took my vacation and didn't do much on my projects despite having all these plans. I hadn't been getting much sleep over the year (six hours a night roughly) and it really made me incapable of doing anything and probably contributed to my feeling overwhelmed. Recently, I've been trying to get at least 8 hours or close to it and I've found that it helps me be, well, happier? More capable of thinking straight? I don't know, but I think that it's a part of taking care of my body to take care of my mind. I tried to exercise )as in taking walks) more, which helped me to feel more...alive? More energetic? I also found out that I try to do too many things at once, which makes me more frustrated in the end when I don't get many things done.

I don't feel like I get art block so much as I don't feel like I have time to get full images done. Or I get distracted by other things. I don't know if it's fear or because I'm just exhausted by other things in my life. It takes a lot of effort not to veg out after work. I think I've done pretty well, but not as well as I could since I'm still in the same boat socially as I was before. I think the Dragon Persona contest is a good idea, I want to try to do it since I missed it the last time. I hope you're able to work out of this funk and remember that I'm always here is you want to send an email or a note to chat.

Speaking of emails, did you get the email that I sent you a while ago for your address, I've got some things I want to send you.

Even that I'm not THAT old and my knowledge that developed, I know what you mean. I had short periods where I just wrote/drew LOTS of things, but afterwards, like someone suddenly took off the light, I had no inspiration.

But, my personal quote is that everything works out in the end. When I read it now I always think "end" means the end of a month or longer, but it's not like that at all. It'll happen sooner.

And I find comment just the best I've read in a very, very long time.

Sorry it took me a while to reply to this.

I can certainly sympathize with you if nothing else. Ended up in my own pit so to speak; writing and drawing has become nigh impossible, and I can't finish anything. Getting the energy to do much of anything is getting harder, and trying to make new friends is proving nightmarish because of some anxiety issues.

Wish there was something more helpful I could say, but if you need/ want someone to chat with I'll be around.

For me I love making things and being artistic, but I have almost no drive to start making things on my own. I usually need someone else to be there with me, socializing or just hanging out with me while I'm working to even start things. It's not a good habit and one I'm going to have to deal with one I graduate from school and once I no longer have classes that I can unleash my creative urges on I'm hoping things will change but not optimistic about it probably not what ye looking for since I don't have a solution for my problem either and our reasons are probably different, but I also can't imagine myself abandoning art.
On the topic of stories, I have five-ish(?) stories that I wish I could compete, but I'm not good at visualizing my characters talking back to me and can't seem to get anywhere. I know them well enough to understand that they wouldn't act like how I write them but not well enough to figure out just exactly how they would act and that bring me to a stand still That's also what I love about you and your stories. You can and do visualize your characters outside their story and they still act like themselves (like wolf's haircut) and it's something that I wish I could also do
not sure if this comment went anywhere, but I enjoy your work . . . . . and this probably didn't help at all DX

Yea, I feel like that occasionally. Funny feeling, having a lot of ideas, but simply being too unmotivated to do them. It's maddening, isn't it? XD

Nah, don't worry about your drive. It's there, you just lost your keys. Exit the room, remove the glasses, reenter the room and you should be able to find them, if you get my meaning. Relax and don't let it consume you. I did, didn't really turn out pretty. I got depressed more and more. I wouldn't want you taking that road. Turn right.

And get in touch with more people. Keep true friends close, but don't stop on them, cause you can't have 20 best friends, only several. Keep your head up.

One more thing, which is a matter of faith. Let God help you carry your worries. you can't have all of them at the same time on your mind, let him take them. I find myself relieved after I do that, in my heart. Prayer helps.

One more hug, cause I see you need as much of them as you can get. God bless you.

Sounds like you've just met the "new adult blues." Congratulations. One thing I would highly recommend is to look up the late David Foster Wallace's Kenyon commencement speech transcript and read it and think on it. Here is a link to one. [link]

That said, as someone who has struggled with this problem myself, I hope that I can help you find a path through the wilderness, not to say that I myself am out of the wilderness, mind. On a certain level, pinpointing those reasons for why you wanted to do what you do is important. It will help remind you of the person you were and perhaps you can help rediscover some ancient, tarnished piece of brass that can be polished aglow to help you guide your way. But, in other ways, it is irrelevant. In the day-to-day struggles of living, one cannot wait on the muse, because if you wait for the muse to inspire you, all you'll do is waiting. This was something that I had to learn for myself, and it was not an easy lesson to learn.

First I suppose I ought to say that the lessons I learned come from writing, so there will be some loss in translation between that and visual arts. That said, try not to dismiss everything I say - the two overlap a lot, as you may well know.

It seems to me that you've reached the cusp between youthful inspiration and masterful precision and need to make that decision whether you're willing to keep going or whether you should change gears. As Draconis-de-Christus so aptly said, "when your well starts sucking mud, you either dig deeper or dig a new well." Passion can only sustain one for so long, as you've realized, and one needs to find an engine that can carry one past that wall. In my writing, after I'd finished my previous novel, I'd found it so difficult to start a new one. I'd gotten so used to editing, refining, and polishing my existing work that the very idea of starting a new story not only felt incomprehensible but traitorous. But, I found the answer, and though my own engine sputters from the poor environment of idleness and procrastination (as is common), there is an answer to your question.

Discipline.

Stephen King (perhaps you've heard of him?) said that if an author wants to succeed in their writing, they cannot simply wait for inspiration. To be a successful writer, one needs to just sit down and WRITE. A novel concept (pun unintended but retained) but that's the truth of the matter. Stephen King said to write at least 1000 words a day, and I myself (due to a severe misunderstanding) was aiming for 2k per day. This. Is. Hard. but it does get easier. It's so easy to fall into the trap of "but I dun wannnnaaaaaaa" and to put it off in favor of more simplistic gratification or instantaneous fulfillment in our modern day and age, and your first efforts will be a genuine struggle. You'll find yourself staring at your work asking "why am I doing this? This sucks. I don't want to do this. This isn't helping. I'm just wasting my time!" but you'll adapt and survive, and you will thrive if you persist. Once a day, every day, draw something. Anything. It does not matter how much you hate it. It does not matter how much it sucks. Set a certain amount of time that you WILL draw, and do not slack off. Over time, you'll find yourself pulling creative ideas from places you didn't even know you had, and sometimes a gem of brilliance will shine through. Much like pulling a cart, the first few steps are hard, but as you keep moving, it gets easier and easier. When I started, it was a chore to do 300 words, but now I can vomit forth over 4000 on a particularly luscious day, and it's not hard anymore. My new novel, wretched though it is, is over 55,000 words and would be more if procrastination hadn't sucked me into its temptations, but it has its moments, and as I polish it, it will shine. It's already, in terms of concept and pacing, much stronger than my previous novel, and it is something I am proud of, as young as it is. You've outgrown youthful passion and fancy, and now you just need to keep walking. A thousand mile journey through the wilderness begins with the first sketch, and though each tread may feel laborious, it will get easier, and when you look back on all you've done, you'll see how much you've grown.

Dig deeper.

Have I felt anything like this before? More like how often...

I know I've seen similar journal posts from other artists talking about dry periods where inspiration is hard to come by. A lot of them seem to feel this after leaving educational greenhouses for the din of bills, rent and career. Whatever you're going through, you're certainly not alone.

I hope to hear more about your journey to reconnect with old inspiration. (I happen to be trying to do something similar, myself) As our pastor put it, "when your well starts sucking mud, you either dig deeper or dig a new well". With regards to creativity, it's as if we have to dig deeper into the reasons why we were (are) inspired, figure out what makes us tick. This, and constantly looking for new sources of inspiration (digging deeper and digging new wells?)

If anything, thanks for allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share your feelings online. It's good to know that even the people we look up to feel these things, too, sometimes.